Sarah Jessica Parker Has Alien Arms

During my audition for the laziest, most hungover, repugnant human being on the face of the earth this weekend, I suffered through 145 minutes of Sex and the City 2.

That's right. I watched a Sex and the City movie instead of exercising. Instead of showering. In fact, I watched Sex in the City instead of doing anything.

Just give me the blue ribbon right now.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a fan of the franchise. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that given the intolerable writing and the obvious impracticality of nearly every single facet of its production. I am however, entitled to this one of many one vice, given that I also enjoy other widely acceptable programs such as that one about the coked-out former baseball player and the popular drama featuring a family man who also moonlights as a serial killer.

              

Fiction aside, one simply cannot ignore the fact that Sarah Jessica Parker has alien arms. Especially when you are forced to stare at them for 145 minutes on a rainy Sunday afternoon while ingesting what is surely an unhealthy dose of Advil.

C'mon with those things!

At what point did she say to herself, "Sarah J, you flabby ghoul, your arms aren't nearly as veiny and chiseled as they should be, let's get you on that weight machine for the next four hours"?

Seeing photographs like this make exercise amateurs such as myself confused and frustrated. Fact: I have avoided doing free weights for two days after seeing this movie.

Is this the pinnacle of health? Is this what women should strive to look like? Is this healthy?

In the same vein (Get it? Vein?) of this unprovoked SJP attack, I'd like to answer the above questions by avoiding them entirely and distracting me you with the following video: