What does this mean? Well Internet, it means that I have a whole hell of a lot of eating to do this weekend.
It means I have the arduous task of ridding my pantry of all traces of salty, sweet and trans-fatty fare. And yes, I'm talking to you too, giant bag of Doritos I bought at WalMart because you were on sale for $2.
At this point, at least half of the readers of this blog (all three of you) are probably asking yourselves, "Why doesn't that unsightly swine just throw out the junk food instead of ingesting it all?"
If you are in fact one of these people, you are not my friend, and this blog should not have been sent to you.
Monday isn't just the day to start eating better. Monday is also the day I begin my vigorous five-day-a-week exercise routine. I am fortunate enough to work for an organization that has its very own gym. Sure, it's no GoodLife, but frankly, if I wanted to feel like a frumpy fat-ass while panting away on the elliptical next to a 5'11 tanned blonde model yacking away on her cell phone and effortlessly sprinting on the treadmill, I'd sign back up tonight.
I used to belong to GoodLife when I lived in Toronto. Ladies, if you ever feel like having your ego taken down a few pegs, I highly recommend you join the club on Bloor. Every time I went to this place I felt like cramming a dozen jelly donuts into my mouth and curling up in the fetal position under the weight machines. The women there made me feel like Kelly Clarkson at Thanksgiving. I was unworthy.
The way I see it, working out at the office has four significant advantages:
1) I won't have to drag my ass to the gym before or after work.
2) Middle of the day workouts will give me the energy I need to fend off the deadly after-lunch lethargy I so often succomb to.
3) No gym fees. Look, I just bought my first house. Give me a break.
4) I can look like a haggard mess without feeling overly self-conscious. I work with these people five days a week, and I'm actually quite fond of them. Besides, they have seen me at 5:00 a.m. Enough said.
I'm ending this post on a lame serious note. My petty, privileged first-world problems are laughable, folks. I mean, c'mon -- my pants are too tight? Boys won't find me pretty anymore!
Travesty.
This man dug himself out of depression and lost 120 pounds. If he can do that, I can stop buying Doritos.
Blogging does get addicting.. but what is more addicting is waiting for comments on the blogs. On a side/serious note(I know eh? me? serious? wtf?) I think this is an awesome idea. There is a site called sparkpeople.com that I joined and you can blog and track progress with other people doing the same thing. I actually lost tons of weight on that site and then I got pregnant! Definitely will be starting it up again soon..
ReplyDeleteOn another side note.. WHO would throw away all that stuff?! The biggest challenge of starting the diet is to see how much you can clear out of the cupboards the weekend before it starts!
Good luck