What I'd like to believe this looked like:
What I'm sure it really looked like:
By the time I slithered out of bed, it was too late to cook a decent meal, so I made a crucial error: I resorted to McDonald's drive thru - the ultimate in abject slobbery.
That was my first mistake. Actually, my first mistake was submitting to McDonald's. And yes, for those of you who are wondering, Ronald McDonald himself literally shoved his repugnant food down my throat.
I don't know why I expected any less, but upon returning to the homestead, I discovered that the incompetent morons at this fine establishment get my order completely wrong. Regardless, in my final act of contemptible self hatred, I consumed the entire defective meal, which likely had the nutritional equivalent of a cardboard box soaked in radioactive nuclear waste.
This night isn't salvageable. I know this now. But tomorrow is a new day, a day where I will refrain from a siesta, sweat tonight's grade F meat out of my system, and eat a real, honest-to-fucking-god meal. For I must look forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
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